1. I’ll Walk Away

    I’ve watched you walk away practically every single time we were leaving each others side. From the first date onward. I guess I was trying to hold on to an image of you because I didn’t know how long it was going to last. The image of a boy that seemed to come into my life so seamlessly. Well now the time has come and again I’m stuck this useless image of a lover now past. Past because this will be nothing but a distant memory. Not recorded in history books or in the stories you told your family, but a memory that remains in my heart (and yours as well I hope). Something that will forever get me is the security guard at the front of your building. One man saw an entire beginning and ending of a relationship and on the very last night at the very last moment he said something that made me laugh and cry at the same time “are you coming back?” No I’m not. I’m really not, and I tried to watch you walk away. You were gone too quickly.

     

  2. Stone

    I tear my body apart, limb from limb. 

    Each bone snaps like a twig at 

    The thought of what I’ve done. 

    Blood spills out from a guilty heart.

    Lips dissolve from an unworthy face.

    People spoke a lot of moving on, 

    but where do I begin? 

    The limbs that remain have turned 

    to stone from the thought of your reaction. 

    The reaction to the words I hated to type. 

    The words that made me tear my body apart.

     

  3. Bond.

    I swear over the last 52 hours and 6 minutes since we met, I have spent more time thinking about the space between your upper and lower lip than an ontologist thinks about reality. I’m amorously transfixed by the way you breathe. I’ve studied your face like I’m going to get quizzed on it and I can tell you right now, there’s not a question I’d get wrong. For example, I can tell you that you have a mark about two fingers below your right eye. It’s far too large to be a freckle, but not dexterous enough to be a mole. I aim for it every time I kiss your cheek. 

    It’s a wonderful thing that I never have to share this with you because the truth is you terrify me. I’m scared that you’ll leave and I’ll be stuck with this useless knowledge. Can you tell me how knowing the number of hairs on your jawline will help in anything other than my own personal tantalization? My sunshine, I beg of you, if you do leave and slice me open, make it quick. Use the biggest knife you can find so my body will decompose faster. I will have no use for it after you’re done with me. At this point, my body is but a system of systems to be used at your will. It lives to keep you safe, satisfied, and smiling. 

    If you do read this, I hope it’s sometime in the future. My sunshine, I don’t want you to read this and be worried for me. I know how you care about me. I feel it every time we touch. The warmness you contract from the sun shines through me like a window during August. Again, I’ll say it. Don’t worry about me. I want to remember that these thoughts were something I once had. I want to remember that these were thoughts my brain once created. I want to remember that my brain gives me a gift every time you pop into my mind, and I want to remember to thank my brain everyday for the rest of my life.

     

  4. The Things I Know I Shouldn’t Tell You:

    I miss you, love. I shouldn’t tell you this because I know how your beautiful mind works. I understand your synapse and neurons like they have been the first thing I’ve seen every morning since the day I was born. Like the x-rays, blueprints, and roadmaps of your brain have been plastered on every wall of every room I’ve ever called my own. My darling, you have inked my skin with the way you spoke. Whether intentional or not, I’m sure you’d be glad to know that. There are certain things I won’t be able to think of without your accompaniment being present with that thought. The way your voice trails off when you speak makes me wish I could trail off with you. I don’t know where we’d go, but as long as you spoke to me along the way, I’d follow senselessly. I don’t know if I ever want us to meet. Not because I don’t desire it, but because I do desire it like a waif desires food. A waif, or any other person for that matter, will never be completely full forever. I feel that if I ever hugged you, we’d be super glued to each other. I feel that the only way I could leave is by losing a limb that will forever be attached to you. When the day of our inevitable departure would come, I know we could search all the words in every language and never find ones that are as beautiful and dramatic to say as these: I miss you, love.

     

  5. Bones

    These words are hiding in every crack and crevasse within my bones. I claw to get them out but it’s no use. They are tumors inside my marrow. They are your shadows infecting every cell I possess. I will stay in this shadow. Primarily because I do not think my body will permit otherwise. Secondarily, I’d stay in these shadows as studious and loyal as ever. I’ll keep writing my words in hopes that you’ll read even a syllable and shine on me. That would make the previous dark days worth it. That would make the cancerous days of the future ever so painless. 

     

  6. A Boy

    This is to a boy I do not know. I exaggerate even the simplest of details. I examine your skin as if every pore is filled with the nectar of Gods. Although you may not know me, I’ve heard every word you’ve said. I’ve heard them so clearly and so phonetically correct that I could hear these words through a raging crowd. I could hear these words through the currents and tides of the seven seas. If you ever see this, I don’t want you to get flattered or apprehensive. I want you to understand that this message isn’t about you, it is to you. The eyes on this message are not the boy I’ve fallen in love with. The eyes of that boy are created only by letters, letters connected to words, words connected to sentences, sentences connected to paragraphs. Letters that seem as real to me as the hairs on my arm, but letters nonetheless. 

    I would use every symbol known to man (or even several that are not) and I could not grasp the emotion that I have. All this writing seems to be wasted on a boy who will never read it. Though that statement may be true, it does not help. It is not my fault that my mind is so aggressively attached to this imaginary boy. Every word I create or have created belongs to this boy. I would lay down every paper, notebook, or blog post I’ve written and give it to him in hopes that he’d feel even a microscopic amount of what I feel for him.  However, that boy is a figment of my imagination and so this message is not to him. This message is not to a boy I will never know. This is message is to a boy that I do not know, yet I hope to know so I may begin writing letters again.

     

  7. Searching for Soulmate

    The fact that I live apart from you is one I have to live with solemnly everyday. Every human being lives so deeply in transit that it seems the thought of the settling down is old-fashioned. Constantly I think of the imperfections in the world, but mostly I still think humanity is essentially beautiful. Something about a crying wife proud of her husband or a little boy giving spare change to a homeless person. These events transcend my cognition of anything else that would alter my perception of the world. Some aspects which might make life seem confusing also seem to have virtually indefinable meanings. Maybe the fact that I’m left handed and sleep on the right side of the bed is random chance. However, maybe it means that when our solemn days of living apart are finally over, you can lay on the left side of the bed and and fit into me like a puzzle piece. I’ll twirl your hair with my right hand as my left hand describes the whole experience for pages and pages. I’d write the most beautiful poetry about you. My best works by far. 

     

  8. Hustle and Bustle (Revised)

    I am the hustle and bustle of a city
    I am the whispering honking sound
    I am the smog between your syllables
    I am the single foot that touches the ground

    I am the open fields in the country
    I am the farm boy who feels free
    I am the sunrise in the morning
    I am the space that connects you and me

    I am the stars and constellations
    I am the farthest star that can be seen
    And the deepest depths of the ocean
    Not to mention the space in-between

     

  9. Reasons for Raggedy Ryan

    (I wanted to name this If I Were a Toy, but I felt it was too hilarious for a serious poem.)

    I was but another toy on the assembly line 
    My limbs kept forcibly in their place 
    Parts of me sewn tightly together
    Machines melted plastic to mold my face

    I was shipped across the seven seas
    And opened by the loneliest of hearts
    A boy who seemed to have a lot of things
    Many toys that were ripped apart

    Soon to be me I soon did see
    Reasons for the scattered, silver, screws
    The boy grew tired of his possessions quick
    And soon I was one of the old toys, too

    He first twisted my head around
    So my thoughts couldn’t fly straight
    Then he ripped my legs out from me
    As if making sure I couldn’t run away

    He beat me away at the pavement
    Until my paint started to peel
    Although the clothes I have will cover it
    The plastic will never heal

    From a distance I look barely opened
    Upon inspection other children will find
    That I’m damaged and torn forever
    The marks that boy made are one of a kind

    No one will want me after all that
    They’ll look for the toys close to flawless
    My fate is sealed for eternity
    The rest of my life in pediatricians office

    How excited I was to be used by this boy
    It seemed like the greatest opportunity
    Now another toy will have some time
    To experience his morbid curiosity

     

  10. The Lightless Limerick.

    There once was a man named Beau
    Often he stumbled to and fro
    Then and again
    He drank with his friends
    But mostly he drank alone

    He met a girl named Kate
    They went out on a date
    His last girl, a whore
    Made his heart feel sore
    Now it’s a diamond clean slate

    One day the couple got married
    Despite all the problems that varied
    Until the day in the sun
    Where he picked up the gun
    And down the hill she was carried